This week I was back downtown, not exactly where I use to live and love, but close enough to everything. Malls, the metro, tunnels, restaurants, the Montréal light festival, and I even saw people zipping by my window. (literally, there was a zip line set up).

This getaway wasn’t fun, it was liberating. To wake up in the morning, see it’s snowing outside and still be able to go get a tea, food, do some shopping, get a haircut, do the little things I once took for granted, and not having to worry about how I’ll get there was such a relief. I was rid of anxiety for the first time in a long time. And it didn’t hurt to sit by a fire and write, and then get back to a clean room. Fun, I don’t know. Do you enjoy going to the pharmacy? Maybe not, but being able to do it sure is nice.

My kids even passed by and I took them to the pool, to a chocolate shop, a nice dinner at Baton Rouge, and then dessert at chocolate favoris. And I never once worried about accessibility. Such relief.

But this getaway also had an unforeseen result. In that I realized I’m no longer a city girl, and just how much I have grown. For years after moving away from the plateau, I longed to be back there. In my well located apartment on prince-Arthur, surrounded by restaurants and anything else you could possibly need, and all at walking distance. 

When we first left downtown to live in the suburbs, my health started to decline. For a long time I associated the two together. I blamed the suburbs for my loneliness, for my illness. Even though I knew they weren’t linked. But now I have grown to love my little community, my neighbors, my little suburban home. People dressed in their best pair of jogging pants while they shovel their driveway or walk their dog. Sometimes I even dream of living someplace more secluded. I long for fresh air, mountains, trees, and the quiet of nature. 

I am not who I once was, and that’s ok. I will always look fondly on my time in the city, but I’m ready to let go of the city girl.

This getaway was meant to re-emerge myself into Montreal, but it turns out it was  more of a chance to say good bye. And I’m good with that.