Lately I’ve been painting at a much slower pace.
I don’t know if it’s intentional, if it’s growth, or simply a result of my health
But ever since being diagnosed with progressive MS I’ve been seeing things differently
Or I’m looking at different things
Either way, I’m different

I take a lot of pictures, I paint, I sketch, I draw, I write, and I think of the people in my life. They give me strength, they give me purpose, they help me keep my head up. I think of you while I paint, I think of you while I struggle to get up, I think of you when I breathe.

I do all of it because it keeps me focused on what I want rather then what I fear

Every word I write on the bare sheets reveals who I am
Every brush stroke I leave behind reveals my mood

But my inspiration and my focus get sidetracked at times
I think “what will people like” rather then “what do I want to paint”
Or I get upset because Deans picture taken with his Iphone will turn out better then mine taken with my fancy SLR. Instead of thinking, that was a peaceful moment.
And I wonder “why do I bother writing when no one is reading” instead of “It felt good to let that out”.

I want to stay focused on the purpose.
The purpose being it keeps me grounded, it keeps me dreaming, it keeps me alive
And when you truly love the act you are doing, you keep doing it
Preferably with some good music in the background