This picture was taken from the pointe-claire dock behind the Marguerite Bourgeois elementary school. I went to that school for 5th and 6th grade and while in 6th grade my father passed away from pancreatic cancer. The church the ceremony was held at is right next to that building. I often went back to this spot to look out at where I said good bye to his physical body and presence. This place holds a special, spiritual, yet difficult place in my heart. This is where I lost any connection I had to the church. I was never very religious but it was during this time that I realized that the idea of god and the stories I grew up with brought me no comfort. They just didn’t.
I’m more agnostic then atheist. Being asked if I believe in god is a tricky question. If there was one definition it would be easier to answer. As Jeff Winger once said in the TV show Community: “To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I also would never stand in line for it.”. My spiritual journey took a different path after this moment, in this place. I started to feel more connected to elements, to memories, and to the randomness of life. What brought me comfort was the idea that my father was in my soul and heart rather then the idea that he was with god (whatever she/he may be).
I know that talking about religion can be a touchy subject, it is not my intention to offend anyone. I simply wanted to share a part of myself. I have been searching for peace of mind through this pandemic and mostly through my struggle with PPMS and I am often brought back to this moment. I have also found solace in the Buddhist speech Chidi gives in the series finale of ‘The Good Place’. If you haven’t watched that show YOU SHOULD. Best.Ending.EVER! (And this comes from a die hard Buffy fan.). If you don’t plan on watching the show, at least watch the ending…
Caro 