I was very excited and nervous for this trip. 
Nervous because I have nothing planned for after, 
nervous that staying behind would rip me apart like it has on previous trips, 
and that I would feel disconnected ... Because I am. 

My family thinks I'm over dramatic. Perhaps they are right.
I do over-analyse and spiritualise many situations,
I look for meaning in the experience, good or bad. 
I try to learn and grow when faced with adversity, 
and I see kismet in happenstance. 
Fate in coincidence!
The signs, the messages, the lessons ... they are everywhere. 

When we travelled to Costa Rica, my fellow travelers had an adventure.
They jumped in the ocean's waves, went snorkeling, surfing, zip lining, hiking, and took a boat tour to a monkey island. 
While I simply had a spiritual journey.
A journey of acceptance and appreciating the simple things: the blue skies, the clouds, the wildlife, the silence, the warm breezes, the trees, and the waves of the Pacific Ocean. 
I spent my days writing, taking photographs, and watching every sunset until the colors were burnt into my memory. 

I threw caution to the wind and 
brought my camera to the most beautiful beach. 
The beach where I felt warm water wash over me, as
I sunk deeper into the sand.
Where I was carried. 
Where I clenched sand in my fist as I crawled closer to the waters edge,

Where I whispered angry vile comments about MS,
Where I watched and laughed, felt jealous and frustrated. 
Where I was memorized by colors, sounds, and beauty.
Where I picked up my camera and focused on a wonderful chapter in my life. A chapter I then said good bye to.
I smiled, I cried, I found patience, and I felt grief ... 
grief I left behind so I could hopefully come back with acceptance.

My experiences, these moments, are few and far between. 
So I'm trying to make each one count. 
Costa Rica was beautiful, exciting, gut wrenching, relaxing, and 
a great final trip abroad (if that turns out to be the case).