I’m doing ok.  as long as I don’t talk or think about “it*” , then I’m ok. Not great, not bad, ok. But if I think about it* … Not ok. So I don’t talk about it.
It hasn’t been easy. Just going to an interior designer and being asked what I need…what I might need. I don’t want to think about it. Saying no to my kids or their friends when asked for a ride home. The guilt. I don’t want to think it, I don’t want to be put into a situation where I am confronted by reality, I want to escape, disappear, and be a happy distant memory. I want to be weightless…

*the future