I have lost many parts of myself. And I am trying desperately to hold on to what remains. I am going on another bucket list trip soon. And already I am sad because I know there will be so much I won’t be able to do. My limitations are much clearer the closer I am to anything. Not being able to walk upstairs feels terrible when I sit, in my wheelchair, at the edge of a staircase. Or just a step. And not being able to walk down a beach will be harder to bare when I am right next to one. So I am excited for my next trip. I’m excited to give this gift of wonderful lifelong memories to my family. But I am also mourning broken dreams. I will cry, and I will smile. These bucket list items are turning out to be a mind f#$k But it’s an important journey for me. They are moments of anger and acceptance. Of joy and sadness. They are making me stronger as I get weaker.