September | 2019

As mentioned previously, my health has been declining. Because of this, and because I need to recharge, I am closing my studio doors.
I’m not giving up the arts. I’ll focus on photography, I’ll sketch, I’ll write, perhaps I’ll use acrylic on smaller canvases. I will adjust. I will just practice the arts on a smaller scale. If I can’t squeeze oil paint out of a tube? Fine, I’ll use pastels. I can’t lift a canvas? Fine, I’ll use a sketch book. I’m adapting, I’m processing, and I’m obviously grieving.
But I’m ready…

I have been preparing for this. I have gone threw all my paintings and touched up anything that needed it. I used every bear canvas I had lying around. to finally arrive at this moment, the moment I use every last drop of oil paint I have on the biggest canvas I have ever used. Although planned, the result was impulsive, smeared with thought, tears, and hope.

Until I’m ready to open the doors again,
Peace out studio

I haven’t been hiding out, I just haven’t put much effort to be seen.
I have been distracted (to say the least) by the decline of my health over the past year.

Simple tasks (like brushing my hair) are becoming harder to accomplish, heat is suffocating, and the constant exhaustion is debilitating. I have been relying on my wheelchair to get around and have been limited to how far it can go.
I am retreating, physically and emotionally. But I’ve been here.
Close to home so I can rest and hide out from the heat when its unbearable.

I’ve been avoiding planning for the worst case scenario. Fearful that planning for it could somehow guide me in that direction. So I try not to think, but that’s almost an impossible task. So I try to keep things levelled.
Living as if I only have a few days, and as if I have all the time in the world.
I buy things things I really want,
and I save for my children’s future, for my husbands future, and my own.
Healthy or sick.
We’re doing home renovations, and bucket list items.
Wheelchair adapting, and camera lenses.
Roll in shower, beautiful vacation spots.

I’ve been painting a little, getting ready to close the studio. (more to come)
I’ve played with photographs for my second attempt at a picture book. (more to come)
And I’m planning some “now or never” trips. (More to come)

The lesson being: when life hands you a pile of shit well….you use it as compost to grow something new? Something like that.

Caro

Artist.

Month: September 2019

When one door closes…

I’ve been here