As time passed
My legs, eventually, could no longer carry me forward,
I could barely keep my fingers up when I lay them on a canvas
And, at times, the weight of my camera pulled my arms down. 

I sank into a depression
I became overwhelmed by simple task, by the mundane, by my weaknesses.
I was lost, broken, and scared
I was reaching out, I was gasping for air, I was drowning in plain sight

I felt alone, crowded, invisible yet on display
Tortured by pity, by expectations I couldn’t carry, by my inability to focus,
by winter taking up too much of whatever time I have left

I had fallen, so …
I clawed words on paper,
I smeared paint on canvas,
I played with photographs,
Until I got myself back up

I thought about
my friends, my kids, my hopes,
my purpose, my motivations, my desires,
my weaknesses and my strengths,
About life and about death

And I searched, as I am still doing,
for meaning in unfortunate events