I have been somewhat trapped inside the house since about November. Venturing out only on a few occasions. Dinner with friends, or with family, and a trip to the art store. 

I have a progressive disease and …. well….it’s doing what it does. It’s progressing. It feels like it’s progressing quicker but that’s probably because I have less endurance left. In the beginning I could walk / stand for hours and hours, so loosing a few seconds was barely noticeable. But those seconds have added up throughout the years and I’m down to a few minutes. I can notice the minutes getting less and less, week by week. Dean has had to carry the weight I can no longer handle and I feel like a burden, even though no one has ever complained. 

I was scared (again) that I could no longer lift myself up, mentally and physically. 

Of course the weather has played a major role. Every time I felt the strength to venture out, we would get another snow storm and I retreated to my safe spot. My home. 

So I decided to venture downtown. To spend a few nights in a hotel linked to all the underground, snow/ice free, tunnels. To see if I can live independently again, once accessibility is no longer an issue (sort of). 

I had been drowning, let’s see if I can learn to swim again.