Lately I’ve been painting at a much slower pace.
I don’t know if it’s intentional, if it’s growth, or simply a result of my health
But ever since being diagnosed with progressive MS I’ve been seeing things differently
Or I’m looking at different things
Either way, I’m different

I take a lot of pictures, I paint, I sketch, I draw, I write, and I think of the people in my life. They give me strength, they give me purpose, they help me keep my head up. I think of you while I paint, I think of you while I struggle to get up, I think of you when I breathe.

I do all of it because it keeps me focused on what I want rather then what I fear

Every word I write on the bare sheets reveals who I am
Every brush stroke I leave behind reveals my mood

But my inspiration and my focus get sidetracked at times
I think “what will people like” rather then “what do I want to paint”
Or I get upset because Deans picture taken with his Iphone will turn out better then mine taken with my fancy SLR. Instead of thinking, that was a peaceful moment.
And I wonder “why do I bother writing when no one is reading” instead of “It felt good to let that out”.

I want to stay focused on the purpose.
The purpose being it keeps me grounded, it keeps me dreaming, it keeps me alive
And when you truly love the act you are doing, you keep doing it
Preferably with some good music in the background

This is a picture I took years ago. In the late 90’s.
After cegep, but before the programming years.
It was a time in my life that felt far too short.
My working at astral photo days. Wonderful days.
I made some really great friends. It was a really good time.
I laughed a lot, I took a lot of pictures, I hiked, I travelled, I danced,
I stayed up late AND got up early ON PURPOSE!!!
And again, so many good friends.
I miss them, I miss creating moments with them, I miss the world of possibilities,
I miss seeing the beginning of the line better then the end, I miss my body, ….

This picture was taken by lac st-louis. In the back of Marguerite-Bourgeois school in Pointe-Claire village. There’s a little spot where you can walk on the rocks. The moment was captured there. I had just gotten some filters for my new Pentax MZ-5 and I was trying them out. I biked there a lot throughout the years.
And now it was just me, my camera, my tripod, some filters, and that place.
It turns out I didn’t like working with filters. I wasn’t a very technical person, I’m still not. To this day I barely have a cell phone. Barely because I have one but it is always off. The battery is probably dead. I’m not even sure where it is. I don’t even know my number. It’s a pay as you go emergency phone I keep (kept?) in the car. It could be in my purse…which I haven’t been using either. I just stick my wallet in my jacket pocket. I like simple. I like minimalism. Point is, filters weren’t worth the effort. I prefer to just hold the camera up to my eye, click and hope it turns out. Hope, what a wonderful feeling. I’m simple. And what I lack in technical knowledge, I like to think I make up for in creativity. Same goes for many aspects of my life.

This picture is ok, but the memories from that time are …. sublime

A great example of a negative also being a positive

Of the good old days
The paradox of wanting to go back, and also wanting to go forward.

My new used camera came in 🙂

Some people make New Years resolutions
Some think it’s silly
Me, I can’t help but envision things I hope to accomplish hopefully in the next year
I think of it as a fresh start, a starting line
If your on a path and you think you’re on the wrong one
Now might be a good time to switch lanes
And if you’re on the right path, it’s a good time to pat yourself on the back
It’s a time where we reflect on our lives
What’s happened, where we’re heading
Where we would like to go

So to those who make resolutions
And to those who don’t
Now is just as good as any other time, to dream
To make a change, to make a difference, to vow,
To quit or start something, and to reflect

Happy introspection everyone
And hopefully a happy year