A long time ago I was on assignment for a weather channel and a small crew and I were flying over the ocean in a helicopter.
The shore wasn’t too far away. I could easily see beach goers and the cityscape. That’s what I was looking at when the helicopter made a big thump noise and started going all over the place. I remember trying to focus but the helicopter was spinning in circles and all I could hear is the pilot yelling “we’re going down!”. I’m not sure what happened next, if I was thrown or pushed from the helicopter. I remember seeing the water and then being IN the water. And in my state of shock, not being able to feel my legs, seeing blood in the water, being pushed to shore by waves, hearing people yelling, being put in the back of an ambulance, being told by the doctors that it would be a long hard road before I could walk again, I thought, at least I wasn’t eaten by a shark.

 

That is one of the stories me and Audrey have come up with to tell people when they ask us what’s wrong with me. There’s also another one where my parachute didn’t open while skydiving and I used my sweater as a semi parachute to slow down my fall. Crazy stupid stories we laugh about.

Why? Because a little while ago I had a heart to heart with Audrey after noticing that she also got asks a lot “what’s wrong with your mom?”. I knew I got asked all the time but I didn’t realize she did too. I saw it when we were at the park, when I went to her school, I overheard it when I was on the other side of the street and she was crossing with the crossing guard. I saw her put her head down and shrug it off every time. My heart broke a little.

Does she hate her mom getting all the attention, especially for something I don’t want to get attention for. Is she sick of answering that question. Does she hate people thinking there’s something wrong with me. Does she feel bad for me. Or is she just over it all.

It was all of the above. As my heart was breaking for her, hers was breaking for me. So after a long hug, some tears, and knowing full well this is probably something we will always have to live with, we came up with a plan. Many plans actually, and many stories for different scenarios.

1. “What happened?”
Assume they aren’t asking about the wheelchair but rather accomplishments .
Me: “my daughter got above average grades in all subjects, I’m very proud. She’s also a kick ass soccer player and won her last match!”
Audrey: “my mom is a great artist. She had a show this summer and sold a bunch of stuff”

2. “Were you (Was your mom) in an accident?”
“Yes, I (she) was in a car accident as a child. A 6 or 7 car pile up on the highway”.
Which is true BUT has absolutely nothing to do with me being in a wheelchair. Everyone walked away unscathed by that accident. I’m not even sure it made the news.
Or “Yeah, I (she) was thrown from a horse while on vacation in Tucson” (again true but aside from bruises and a slight concussion I was fine. A little pissed the horse never checked on me but fine)
Or simply say “no?”.

3. “Why are you (is your mom) in a wheelchair?”
“Because I (she) need(s) it to get around” … duh
Or
“Want to hear this crazy story?”

It seems simple enough but when being asked it’s not so simple.
You know dam well what and why they’re asking. The truth is always the first instinct. Julien makes it look so easy. His trick is to (almost) never answer anybody when they talk to him …. about anything, and he doesn’t care. His aloofness is frustrating and aspiring all at once. Audrey typically changes the subject. While I take a deep breath, and hesitantly tell them I have MS