A couple people have asked how I’m doing these days, what with the new diagnosis and all, and the truth is I’m fine. I’m shockingly super chill these days. I don’t know if I’m in super deep denial or if I’m just over it.
I am pretty sick of hearing myself wine and complain about MS. I’m like the dark brooding characters from the walking dead show. (From what I remember because I stopped watching it years ago). I couldn’t take any more of their tortured lives, and I’m pretty much at the same state of mind with ms. ENOUGH!

These days my mind is just a blank and I can’t seem to focus on much. Which is good, right? No tortured miserable thoughts. No tears, no pity, no fears, just a desire to spend more time in my studio. I have appointments I’m not thinking about, I mindlessly prepare meals, I (try to) meditate while Julien complains about his homework, I don’t pay attention to the news, I shrug off the fact the fridge is empty, I stare at the trees changing colors, I’m doing puzzles like a little old lady in a nursing home, I’m laughing, I’m less self involved, I’m day dreaming of a rejuvenating vacation spot (suggestions?), I’m at peace, and I’m calm.
I’m wishing I had mastered this aloofness a long time ago. Ignorance eluded me for so long. Now it’s welcomed, it’s instinct, it’s survival.